It feels great to finally be feeling well enough to blog again! Here’s what’s on my mind today:
Three and a half years ago I made a bold life change when I walked away from a thirty year sucesssful career to follow what I knew was the call of God on my life to work in fulltime ministry. It was wonderful! I felt like I was doing what I was born to do. Over these three years I’ve seen some amazing accomplishments that can only be credited to God. I’ve also had plenty of opportunity to be discouraged and experience failure; both of which I’ve since learned are necessary in creating a good leader- which of coarse was what I was trying to become.
After three years in fulltime ministry I was well on my way, working as hard as I ever had and finally beginning to feel the part. But there was something nagging me that I hadn’t mentioned to anyone except my husband and a few close friends. You see… when I excepted the position as Women’s Ministry Director of Fellowship Bible Church I distinctly heard the Lord say “Three Years”. While I was unsure what the three years meant I was very sure it would be significant and often wondered what God was going to do when I finally hit the three year mark.
Over the years I came up with several options I hoped He would bring on my third year annivesary; all involving increase, promotion or success in ministry. So, you can imagine my excitement as the approach of the three year mark came this past January. As the New Year rang in, I pressed in to God spending much time in prayer and seeking His answer to this mystery. For a little more than two weeks I prayed and heard nothing. Then, on Janurary 18th, 2012 I was diagnosed with throat cancer. It was as if I could hear into the heavens and hear Satan asking to sift me as wheat. Not exactly the three year anniversay present I was looking for.
The past five and a half months have proved to be the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I truly know what it feels like to be pressed on every side, crushed, perplexed, persecuted, in complete despair and feel abandoned by God. It has taken everything in me to not become bitter as I’ve held on to my faith by sometimes a thin thread. I’ve spent countless nights crying out to God and wondering why He wouldn’t come to my rescue. (Just keeping it real)
On many occassions my husband had to remind me of the goodness of God’s presence all around us. From the countless meals, cards, and prayers that were lifted up for us by so many of you we saw God’s love in action.
Today my treatment is finished and I am growing stronger every day. In reflection of what I’ve been through I can see that God never left me.
I still don’t understand why God allows Satan to sift us, but I do know that when He does it is for our good and His ultimate plan to redeem the world. As I look at Job and Peter I see that both made it through the sifting process and went on to be very productive for the Kingdom of God.
But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me I will come forth as gold. Job 23:10
While I would have never asked to go through such pain I consider it a priveledge to share in the sufferings of Christ and can’t wait to see how God is going to use this for my good and His Kingdom.
Whatever I thought in the past about how God was going to use me has now been stripped away. He has taught me to take life one day at a time letting Him have total control of my life. Loving Him and loving those He puts in my path is all I’m expected to do.
Thank you for your continued prayer as I try to regain my strength so that I can get back to work and fulfill the call of God on my life.