God's Girl Getting Real authentically sharing the Christian walk

Today is day seven of a hospital stay I never thought I would have. Not exactly the spring break I had in mind for 2012.

It started last Sunday afternoon when I spiked a temperature of 102.8 as a complication of chemotherapy and radiation. On top of that both my white blood cell and red blood cell count had dropped significantly causing me to be in a neutropenic precaution state. (I know… big words – what do they mean?) Basically I was at a high risk for infection.

I’m still in the hospital hoping to go home on Monday. As I sit in the hospital bed thinking about my week I realize just how wild it has been. First of all…  Monday was my 29th wedding annivesary and I didn’t even know it until John showed up with flowers. (Not my normal response I can assure you) Besides that… I’ve been so sick that I don’t remeber much else about my week except that Thursday I had to have a blood transfusion.

Here’s the best part about this past week: While I’ve been sick – you have been praying. While I was unaware of what was going on you were holding me up in prayer.

It is so comforting to know that when I can’t… you will.

Thank You!!!!

Now I ask for your prayers again. Currently my white blood cell count is fluctuating and needs to stabilize as well as increase in order for me to go home on Monday. Please join me in praying that all my blood cell counts will all get to what they need to be.

You’ll find no fluff in this post because I have no fluff left in me.

It’s 1:45am and I can’t sleep. In 8 hours I will be receiving my last chemo treatment. Knowing that it’s the last one helps, but knowing how I am going to feel over the next week or so keeps me from being able to sleep now.

In addition to this last chemo treatment I also have 3 more weeks of radiation treatments; which is no walk in the park. At this point my throat is raw and I have blisters and sores in my mouth which make it hard to swallow and talk. Because of these side effects from the radiation I haven’t been able to eat anything for a couple of weeks now so my diet has consisted of Boost or Ensure only. To keep me from loosing to much weight I am receiving nutrition and fluids everyday through my port.

I have found that whatever side effect or problem I experience there is a pill or a patch or a potion to fix it. The only problem is that with each new pill, patch or potion there is another side effect that also has to be addressed. For me the worst of these experiences has been that everything they have given to me for pain or nausea has the side effect of constipation, which has been extremely painful.  Just keeping it real…

Past the Halfway Point

At this point I’m a little more than halfway through my treatment program and I’ve had plenty of time to think about what God is trying to show me through this trial. I acknowledge I may never know this side of heaven why God has allowed this to happen to me, but I am recognizing a theme in what I am going through. The theme I’m recognizing is that God is stripping me of everything. I have no control over anything, not even my own bowl movements.

After a life time of thinking I had at least some control over my life through the decisions I made it was going to take something big for me to see that I’m not in control at all. God is showing me through this crash coarse that He controls everything.

Please pray for me as I walk out these last three weeks of treatment.

Sheree

Have you ever found yourself in a spiritual dry patch and wondered where God was? It’s the place you find yourself when you’re not really on speaking terms with God. Sometimes it just happens; life gets busy and we forget to pray. However, sometimes we’re praying a lot and yet it seems God isn’t saying anything in return. Those are the dry patches I hate the worst.

As I write this post I have now had eight radiation treatments and I’m experiencing a major dry patch. Not a dry patch with God… instead a literal dry patch in the back of my throat. Every time I swallow I’m reminded of it and as you can imagine eating has become more difficult. It doesn’t hurt yet, but they’ve warned me that the pain is coming and probably soon. So they’ve given me a prescription for something they call, “Magic Mouthwash” which is supposed to help.

With my literal dry patch constantly on my mind, I couldn’t help but think of the dry patches I’ve sometimes gone through with God. Some were my fault; some were meant to test me; most were designed to get my attention back on Him. But in each case, they all had a magical solution that sometimes took me a while to figure out. The solution… getting back into His Word.

His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

 Lamentations 3: 22b-23

 

There’s something magical in reading God’s word daily. It refreshes, renews and rehydrates our dry patches.

I love this quote by D.L. Moody:

“The only way to keep a broken vessel full is to keep the faucet running”

You and I have the opportunity to hear from God everyday if we will just open His Word and read it. He speaks to us through it’s pages and fills us with hope to face the literal dry patches we face. Through the promises in God’s word I know that my dry throat and inevitable pain are temporary and that His compassion for me never fails.

So, the next time you find yourself in a dry patch, either spiritually or literally, crack open the book… He’s right there waiting for you with a fresh answer to what you face!

Sheree

I Will Walk Through the Fire If You Want Me To (REALLY?)

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. Daniel 3: 17

I have a brother-in-law who tells us he has actually walked on hot coals and says it was an exhilarating experience like none other. What I wonder is… why? What would make a person choose to walk on hot coals? Life is hard enough on its own, so why test the limits?

However, it’s a different story when the limits come to test you.

This week my limits have been tested with my first round of chemo. It wasn’t exhilarating, to say the least. It was in fact one of the worst things I’ve ever been through. Today marks the sixth day and I am just now for the first time able to have a coherent thought, much less put one on paper. I can’t believe I have to go through two more treatments like the one I just experienced, two more weeks of nausea and anxiety. Not to mention that radiation, a whole new treatment that will begin on Monday. With radiation will come the introduction of pain along with the
side effects of the chemo.

Several times this week I have thought, there is no way I can continue and I’ve consoled myself with thoughts of just taking my chances and quitting the treatments. Surely this can’t be good for me.

Then I remember one of my favorite songs by Christian artist Ginny Owens, “If You Want Me To”, which is about walking through trials that bring us closer to God and I remember that my trial has a purpose. But why cancer…where the treatment seems to be much worse than the disease?

Chorus from ‘If You Want Me To’ by Ginny Owens:

Cause I’m not who I was When I took my first step

And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will walk through the fire

If You want me to

The purpose in my trial is to bring me closer to Him. But, I ask… was I not close enough?

Yes it sounds grand to say, “I’ll walk through the fire if you want me to”, but to really mean it is yet an entirely different thing. Fire hurts! Only the truly brave can say it and mean it.

When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were faced with being thrown into the fiery furnace they noted that there was only one thing that could save them, God. Their fiery trial produced the truth in all of our trials – God alone can save us. This truth is all I can cling to.

I guess then, getting closer to God is getting to the point where you know, that you know, that you know, that God is all there is. Only He can comfort me from my fears. He is the only thing I need to get through this.Thankfully, He’s not through with me yet….

To get there is my goal – to know that my God is all I need, nothing more and nothing less. So with fear and trepidation I choose to say; “I will walk through this fire if He wants me to”.

Sheree

PS. Don’t forget to sign up for updates by leaving your email address in the top right tap “Subcribe to this blog”.

 
Put on the full armorof God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

 Ephesians 6:11

I’ve been a Christian for a long time and I know that when you take your stand against the devil you better be properly prepared. But what I didn’t know is that sometimes God helps you get dressed. In fact this past week He has dressed me for battle.

It began last Monday with a phone call from a man in California, whom I’ve never met, that is the brother of a woman I barely know. This man is a cancer survivor who happened to have the same cancer as me and was willing to share his experience. During our conversation he gave me lots of helpful hints about how to manage my treatments but there was one thing he said that changed my perspective. As he explained the radiation treatments he told me, “When they strap you in, it’s your time with God. Separate yourself from what is going on in your body and use that time to pray.”

Thank you God for prompting this man to call and give me a battle plan in advance.

Next came the “casting” for radiation which was done last Thursday. It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever been through. They literally strapped me down to a table; rubber banded my feet together to keep me still and then forced a hot sheet of plastic mesh over my face fastening it to the table. Talk about being pinned down… I couldn’t move – which is the objective. The goal was to make a mold that will keep me in the exact same position for every radiation treatment.
(Pictures above)

With my face and shoulders firmly fitted in my new helmet, my waist securely belted to the table and my feet fastened together God showed me that He indeed was dressing me for battle.  As I laid motionless on the table waiting for the cast to harden I couldn’t help but think of Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God”. If you know me, you know that I never sit still. It was as if God was saying, “I’ve got this”.

Thank you Lord for making me “be still” so that you can fight this battle for me. Thank you for the clear picture of the armor you designed for me.

Lastly came the placement of my port which was done on Friday. Ouch! An inch long incision was made on my chest to place the small device just under my skin. I’m told, this device provides the best way to dispense the chemo and other drugs that will be used to kill the cancer that is in me.

It may sound corny, but with this device inserted just under my skin I can’t help but think of the sword of the spirit that I must wield against my enemey, which is the word of God that I have hidden in my heart.

Thank you Lord that you have clothed me for battle and given me the grace I need to fight.

Now I’m ready for battle and it’s a good thing, because today at 9:00am I start my first chemo treatment and Thursday afternoon I will have my first radiation treatment. I have to admit that I am nervous and afraid, but it is such a comfort to know that my God loves me enough to give me a beautiful word picture of His protection as I enter the battle.

I appreciate your prayers as I enter my week of first treatments.

Sheree

PS- If you haven’t already signed up to receive updates when I post, please do so today by leaving your email address in the top right tab that says Subscribe to this blog.